I am many things to many people, most recently a menopause personal trainer or PT in New Mills and Hayfield where I live.
I have also been a yoga teacher for many years, a womb healer for almost as long and a graduate of the red school since last year. I have studied massage, hypnotherapy, EFT, reiki and I honestly dont see me ever stopping.
And the goddess only truth…..somedays non of it works.
Some days when your hormones are bouncing out of control, your body doesnt feel like your own and your kids have 52 questions before your even out of your bed….nothing works.
Today I snapped at my littlest, nothing major but I was short and snippy and I know I hurt his feelings. I took myself off to the kitchen, made myself a brew and then went to find him and apologise. I explained I was feeling a bit off and I shouldnt have snapped. He told me about his hard day and why he was being grumpy. We hugged and cried and I was once again mummy – not this crazy hormonal cow I had been moments before.
I share this because I work with women to help them create a better life, a better feeling body, a more balanced nervous system BUT the big thing I will share with them all is its not about 100%. I will not be performing my best all the time.
My energy ebs and flows, it always has since my first bleed and so has theirs. Now in this quickening stage of my life, despite being a PT and yoga teacher, despite having all this training and all these tools I will still somedays want to crawl under a duvet and hide from the world.
And no Im not always OK with this, sometimes the rage I feel for not being able to find my peace after years of working on it makes me want to throw a tantrum – the likes of which you have never seen. Add on the state of the world, all my fears and anxiety about the future and bloody hell!
One thing I do have though is awareness and for this I am deeply grateful to my yoga, my therapy and my amazing coaches I have had. Awareness is that moment whilst I was pouring my tea, it was the light that went on inside, it was the voice that said ‘your OK, your wrong, but your OK, you can fix this’.
It was the knowing that a temporary hormonal blip does not define me. It was the believing that I am a good person and a great mum.
Awareness of the many different people I am on any given day, and loving them all.